ONE DAY WORKSHOP BY ARIELLE FORD BEST SELLING AUTHOR OF THE SOULMATE SECRET AND WABI SABI LOVE

Best selling author of The Soulmate Secret and Wabi Sabi Love, Arielle Ford, will be presenting a one day workshop in Kuwait on Sunday, April 26th.

To know more about the workshop and what it will cover, visit Dawrat website

Venue : Dasman Ballroom, Radisson Blu Hotel, Bida
When : Sunday 26 April 2014
Time : 9 am to 5 pm ; There will be two coffee breaks. Lunch will be provided for attendees
Fee : 150 KD per person. 120 KD each for couples. Discounts for groups
Tel : 55283501

For registration and details visit : Dawrat or call 55283501

Books by Arielle Ford

REASONS FOR EXTRA MARITAL AFFAIRS AND HOW TO AFFAIR PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE

The goal of our life is to bring more love and truth into the world. We marry to assist each other in this process - Leo Tolstoy

Marriage is a sacred union and beautiful relationship shared between man and woman. One of the sadest and devastating things that can break up relationships and marriages is extra marital affairs. The possibility of an affair happens due to one or more of these several factors:

* Quite intentional

* Driven by emotions gone unchecked due to mutual attraction

* Constant access and working in close proximity with someone of the opposite sex who understands you, finds you attractive, listens to you, appreciates you or shows a deep interest in you, and get along with you fabulously, which you feel is lacking in your marital life.

* Being in constant company of your spouse's friend, cousin, relative whose company you enjoy, someone you totally admire or in awe of, that turns an otherwise platonic relationship into an affair.

* Inbuilt personality traits for infidelity - jumping from one affair to another, as they enjoy the secret rendezvous, the adventure and high,  until familiarity and boredom sets in and he or she needs looks for the next 'awesome person'.

* Neglect, spousal abuse or control, depression, where one is lonely and seeks love, affection and companionship.
* Emotional and physical incompatibility between husband and wife.
* Psychological childhood traumas where one was a witness to intense parental discords or messy divorce, where one grows up with emotional issues which is later reflected in one's own marriage and relationship with spouse.

In almost all cases, a spouse can sense if there is an affair. There will always be tell tale signs through behavior and change in one's schedule, personality and grooming. Some feel guilty yet carry on with the affair because they can't seem to 'get out of it'; they cannot imagine life without the presence of the 'other' person in their lives. Some don't feel guilty of an affair, if they are experiencing a failed or abusive marriage or if a person is hardwired for infidelity. In some cases, an affair can get so serious that it culminates in marriage after both parties divorce their respective spouses. In some marriages, the spouse in question has a stressful marriage or finds responsibilities of a family life consuming. As an anti dote, he/she gets entangled in an affair as an escape route. Affairs always happen through mutual attraction and with full knoweldge of what they are getting into. So the statement, 'I don't know how it all happened', is rather lame. The thrill, the adventure and temporary euphoria, it seems to offer, will at some point die out or face an end when the affair is found out or the time arrives to make certain life decisions.

People who are unhappy in their marriage and cannot make it work at all, can always wait until the marriage is nullified and then find a suitable partner to spend his/her life with. This will cause less agony than an affair which is a total breach of trust that causes inconsolable pain  to the person cheated upon. What can be done to affair proof your marriage?. It's important to do what's right , not what temporarily gives pleasure at the cost of hurting the family. It takes a lot of work, unconditional love, patience, integrity and committment to make the marriage work. Emotions are waves that come and go. Life always introduces us to people we like or admire or have a fascination for. It could be beause the other person is physically attractive or is endowed with positive qualities you connect with and makes a huge impression in your heart.  It's natural to get drawn to people we vibe well with like a magnet. Sometimes listening empathetically  to someone who complains about their spouse instead of dealing with their problems, is looking for a 'way out' which can turn a casual friendship into an affair .  It's how one handles one's emotions in various circumstances, that's important. What choices you make in situations you face. You always have the power to say no to yourself and aim to solidify your marriage. It's very important to put the person your married above everything else. If there is a lot of discord and unhappiness in the marriage, give marriage counselling a chance and see if things can be worked out.

It's vital to express your needs and understand your spouse's needs, be a good friend to your spouse, and not be overbearing or a nag or a control freak that drives him/her away. No one can tolerate verbal or physical abuse or constant aggression in a marriage. It's important to treat your partner with respect and kindness. Communicate with one another. Turn towards your partner and not away. Set personal boundaries so you won't get into an affair in the first place. Invest in your marriage. Do things of interest together. Be affectionate and express your love. Stay away from online dating sites if you are married. Remind yourself of why you married your spouse and the promise of love and faithfullness that you once made. Remind yourself of all the good qualities  your partner is endowed with and be grateful for the presence of your better half.  If you sense something is wrong and it's not your imagination and you are certain, you can always take courage to discuss it with your spouse and even confront the 'other person' before things get out of hand or messy. If you are experiencing a fairly happy marriage, water your garden and make it green and fragrant rather than looking at greener pastures lead by web of desires, which can be quite illusory when the intoxication wears off and reality sets in. Affair proof your marriage by intentionally nurturing your relationship.

HOW TO RECOGNIZE EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN MARRIAGE

Emotionally abusive people want to feel important and in control, which they achieve through  cruel words, put downs, blame, trying to burden the victim with guilt for insignificant things, making a huge issue out of nothing and by playing  mind games with them. There are a lot of women out there who  suffer at the hands of abusive husbands and no one knows of their silent suffering and trauma. Look for all or at least 6 of these signs to find out if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship with your husband. 

(1) He is  very controlling, commanding and manipulative. 

(2) He literally wants you to beg him for anything you want and even if he agrees, you don't know if he would comply or make an issue out of it and outright refuse as he is unpredictable and his promises unreliable. Your needs are unimportant to him. 

(3) Does everything possible to see you hurt or in pain and you wonder, why does it he do it.

(4) Makes his own rules and bends his rules to suit his wimps and fancy with no regard for you.

(5) Constantly ridicules you, calls you names, makes fun of your intelligence, your figure, even your ability to do certain things. Belittles you  in front of your children, relatives and friends. He considers it humor.

(6) Always tries to make you feel you are not good enough.

(7) He is so charming and helpful to others, no one would even guess he has a cruel side. And he just cannot be nice to you.

(8) He enjoys wooing other women, may even have extra marital affairs, because it boosts his ego and makes him feel important. Makes it a point to constantly praise physical beauty or attributes of other women to you.

(9) Gets irritated and angry for trivial or nothing and blames you for making him feel that way.

(10) Tries to scare you by screaming or shouting or threatening.

(11) You have to take his permission to do anything you want, except visiting the toilet. Stops you from pursuing or enjoying anything you like. Makes you feel like a prisoner.

(12) Tries to make you look and or feel stupid.

(13) His hideous actions and cruel ways make you wish a thousand times to run away. You feel you are living with a monster or the devil himself. 

(14) He hates to take you out or introduce you to his friends. 

(15) He treats you as if he is ashamed of you, even in public. 

(16) Never ever appreciative or thankful for anything good or nice you do for him. But he is quick to find little or big faults. 

(17) Always suspicious of you and blames you for things you didn't do and expects you to agree to it. He blames you for 'late completion' of house work or even a small task. If he does something wrong it's perfectly fine, but if you make a mistake or for the slightest wrong, he tries to make you feel as if you committed a huge crime. 

(18) Makes it a point to spoil birthdays, anniversaries, important occasions by creating a fight, argument or scene, just to dampen your spirits and see you hurt and you wonder why the day had to spoil. You see that's his trick, it's not your bad luck or something. 

(19) Preoccupied or stone walling spouse who hardly communicates with you and refuses your perspective on anything. Even if he appears to be listening, he does it so dismissively or impatiently. 

(20) He neglects you,  makes you feel alone or like a single parent or unimportant. At the same time, he demands attention and even some pampering. 

What should you do? 

(1) Seek advise, help from family you can trust

(2) Seek professional help or counselling

(3) If you plan on living with him and making your relationship work, encourage him to see a psychologist, so therapy can throw some light on what he is doing is wrong and how he could correct his behavior

(4) Leave him, it's not worth staying with a man who has no respect or regard for you and treats you like filth. This is not love, its cruelty. Don't nurture it. And don't encourage it.

(5) Realize there is very slim chance this dysfunctional person would change. You are not the cause of your partner's anger or abuse. He has a serious problem. If he is unwilling to change, decide whether to continue in the abusive relationship till eternity or leave him to salvage your sanity, self respect and your right to live a peaceful, positive and fulfilling life.

MARRIAGE

Marriage is a special relationship that provides human beings the possibility of peace, health and happiness; but only if it is appropriately configured. For this to happen, both husband and wife, needs to usher 3 C's into marriage - committment, connectedness and companionship. - Dr. Vijay Nagaswami, Psychiatrist, Counseller, writer