Monday, 17 September 2012


When faced with the loss of a loved one, or break up, or divorce or loss of anything precious to a person, it's extremely hard. Grief is experienced differently by different people, based on their personality and coping skills. We never understand what goes on in a person's mind. Everyone is not the same. There are different stages in grieving.  Difficulty in accepting the loss can intensify the grief.  Then the loss itself would feel as if a ton of bricks has hit you and you are trapped inconsolably in grief and choking and no one can seem to rescue you even despite any emotional support that you may receive. At that time, there is no room for logic. Memories would replay in your mind for days or months. There is no fixed time a person takes to get over grief. There isn't a right or wrong way to grieve. The pain, fear, loneliness and sadness are a natural reaction to the loss you face. If you are trying to ignore the pain and it keeps coming back, that's natural too. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to be strong in the face of loss, it might seem as if there is nothing from where you can draw that strength to lessen or deal with grief. Time is great healer, although at the time of grieving, it will not feel so.

Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has explained the 5 stages of grief. It's not necessary that one would be going through each and every stage nor is it necessary that these stages would be experienced in the same order. But the final stage would be 'Acceptance'.

  • Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
  • Anger:Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
  • Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
  • Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
  • Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened

  • During a loss, there is no explanation as to why things had to turn out that way. Be assured that you will be able to get over the pain through time and the intensity of grief will diminish. Don't beat yourself up by thinking worse things that won't help in any way. Ensure your grief does not lead to depression.  Let each day pass, face your feelings, if you feel helpless, that's okay too. Because as each day passes, a self healing process is taking place, without your knowledge. You will know there is a difference from the way you feel later compared to the way you feel now.  And a day will come, when you would be able to put everything that happened behind you and appreciate the good memories and good times associated with the person or situation you were grieving over.

    1 comment:

    Shoshannah Qwel-Susz said...

    Rightly said grief can be overwhelming, but it is only by experiencing it that one can overcome it. No matter what anyone says, nothing will work till the person experiencing the pain makes the choice to deal with it.