PEOPLE WHO CAN'T STOP TALKING : GIVE THE OTHER PERSON A CHANCE TO SPEAK AS WELL

I was travelling by U.S. Airways from Charleston to Detroit last month, the journey was around 1.5 hours. My husband and I were tired after the flight from the long journey from Kuwait to Frankfurt and Frankfurt to Charleston. I couldn't wait to get to my son's place in Lake Orion, Michigan. We sat in our seats, the flight took off, and I could hear loud one sided conversation. I look towards my left, in the next row was sitting an older man and a young man. The older man kept talking incessantly. It was loud enough for everyone around to hear. I looked away into the clouds visible from my window. An hour passed and he was talking without a pause. I couldn't help looking in that direction time and again. The young man next to him looked so uncomfortable, bored, kept shifting and wriggling in his seat, he became red in the face (may be was furious but didn't voice it) and his body language indicated to silently shout, ' Stop talking, I can't take it anymore'. I honestly don't know how the young man was so tolerant and civil enough to bear it for 1.5 hours and was never given an opportunity to participate in the conversation at any point of time.  May be the young man should have yawned and pretended to dose off which would have made the other man stop talking. It would have been such a relief to rest of the passengers. 

Have you come across people like that, who like to have one sided conversation without giving a chance to the other person to speak?. And when you try to speak, they cut you off, and throw at you another long story. How do you react or respond, or do you keep quiet and keep listening till he decides to stop. Or are you clever and give an acceptable excuse and free yourself from the predicament.  If you are a gifted conversationalist, you can politely interrupt, and talk about interesting things. Who knows, the other person might totally enjoy that. 

People who think, it's all about them, and love the sound of their own voice, should pause to allow the other person to share his thoughts and experiences as well. When you are travelling or at a party, or with friends,  it's honestly rude to just go on talking and not ask questions or listen to what  others might have to share. You can't keep talking non-stop and expect the others to be enjoying a one sided conversation unless you are speaking at a seminar or conference and you are a good orator with skills of captivating an audience. Even at seminars, workshops and conferences, the sessions are interactive where the audience get to participate!  

Sometimes, people speak endlessly about something they are passionate about without any actual intention of seeming a non stop talker. It's importance to be perceptive of people's body language and signs they give out so you know if the topic you are discussing is boring, baffling, irritating, or even uninteresting or if you've spoken enough. Remember, people like it when they are given a chance to express and share their thoughts as well, just as much as you like to share yours. It shows you care and you are respectful towards them. 

TIPS FOR SUCCESSFUL LIVING BY WARREN BUFFET

Shared from a friend's facebook page

THE SHADOW EFFECT - A GREAT BOOK BY DEEPAK CHOPRA, DEBBIE FORD AND MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

Sometimes we are baffled by our own behavior - have you experienced that? Sometimes you say or do things and later regret it and don't really know what's driving your behavior. Is it possible that everyone has a dark side that plays a certain role in making choices and control one's behavior? "The Shadow Effect" written by powerful relationship and life coaches, Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson, helps you break free from repetitive negative patterns and self defeating behaviors. It explains the mystery of why you do what you do. The book is a profound guide, that will help you understand the shadow that exists within all of us, and help release your negativities, alter your thoughts, belief patterns, responses,  and and lead you to fulfillment.

IMPORTANCE OF BEING ASSERTIVE

"When you say what you want, you live a happier and more authentic life. The three keys to being more Assertive are knowing what you want, believing you have a right to it and finding the courage to express it."  - Caroline Adams Miller, author of "Creating Your Best Life."

Some people can be aggressive while they think they are being assertive. Aggressive people can be insensitive , mean and disrespectful  to the point of being nasty, while they try to express themselves. This can really hurt people, put them off and even cause irreparable damage. Aggressive people can sound  angry, pushy and sometimes even scary.

Assertiveness is about respecting youself and what you want, having a voice and not being afraid to give your opinion, views, thoughts or even decisions; but how you express it is important. Assertiveness is about communicating your feelings and choices to the other person in healthy and respectful manner without violating their rights in any way. Be polite, and clear in what you express. Don't express in an insulting, berating, arrogant or belittling or threatening manner. Never resort to yelling at the other person when you want to make your point. Assertiveness also involves ability to negotiate or reach a compromise. Being assertive will bring quality into your relationship with others and make you a more confident person.

No one can read our mind, though non-verbal signs and body language can tell certain things, but not everything. It's important to let others know what we want.

WOMEN AND MULTITASKING

Women are naturally good at multitasking -  be it at work,or at home taking care of  home, husband and children. I feel most women are comfortable and happy with multitasking. If she is taken for granted or ends up doing more than she should be without any help from her husband or a housekeeper, it can be pretty taxing, especially if she has no time for herself or for socializing or spends her weekends trying to catch up with unfinished work during the week. It's amazing isn't it when a lady returns home after 8 hours of work( let's not forget time taken for commuting, or stopping at supermarket  to do the grocery), she has fresh work awaiting her - taking care of children or their homework, cooking and probably lots more. She has no magic wand but sometimes she has to live life as if she has one, making everything possible, ensuring everyone's needs are met and pleasing everyone around her.

When a lady who is multitasking whole week, feels stressed or unappreciated or feels she is trying to do so much and racing against time, it's time to slow down, ask for husband's help or designate some of the work to a housekeeper if that's financially affordable. Think of ways to reduce the work at home. It's important to take care of one's diet, personal needs and sometime during the day or end of the day, have some time to relax everyday to replenish lost energies, socialize, go out with the family to park, beaches, shopping, game or movies. It's important to spend quality time at home with your husband and children, find time for things you like to do or a hobby,  rather than mechanically just doing routine work before you hit the bed. Be sure your happiness and well being count. It's so vital for a lady to be happy and healthy so she can appreciate and enjoy her life. So take whatever positive action it is to ensure multitasking does not lead you to neglect yourself or add more stress in your life.

SAMANTHA CLAYTON - POWER OF THE MIND IN ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS

Power of the mind is not a new concept in the world of sports, and after reading several books on success in the business world, icons such as Richard Branson, Magic Johnson and Warren Buffett have a few key things in common -- they each believed in themselves and their ability to achieve anything they put their mind to!." - Samantha Clayton, former Olympic sprinter and ACE and AFAA certified trainer.

This powerful, positive ‘I can do it’ approach is just as effective with any goal, including weight loss and health goals, says Samatha Clayton.

SELF PROMOTION AND IT'S BENEFITS

A lot of us carry on in life with the myth that if we talk about our talents, achievements, positive traits, it sounds like bragging. In a business world, it's important your superiors or boss knows of your contributions, your strengths and achievements. The myth that my good work will speak for itself will not work in business. Look at those advertisements around you. If Apple and Samsung did not advertise constantly; if they were not in the news constantly, if marketing strategies were not a priority, the world wouldnot know of what they have to offer. Just like people are looking for best buys, best bargains, best products, they need to be informed and educated, so that's where businesses target the consumers through advertisements. In simple words, brand companies are constantly talking about the benefits and technological superiority of their products, new arrivals in a branded clothing line or introduction of new items in fast food.

If you are not a CEO or President of a big company, or a famous celebrity or sports person, socialite, politician, it's mostly unlikely you are featured in magazines or newpapers . But to climb the ladder of success in career or during an interview, it's only who can make known to others around you of your value, your qualifications, your strengths, your ideas, your achievements and what and how you can contribute and so on. That's smart self promotion and not bragging. If you don't talk about yourself, people will not know you, it can affect your career. We generally tend to find compliments overwhelming, sometimes even put ourselves down as if our contributions or achievements mean very little. We tend to promote the qualities of other people, transfer praise to others, trying to make ourselves look rather insignifcant. We fear of being misunderstood of bragging or being arrogant, if we talk about our achievements, talents or positive traits. What you express about youself is the information you are sharing with others, and that's exactly how they will perceive you.

If you are working hard and you expect superiors will notice you, and appreciate you for it or reward you with a promotion, then its high time that you changed that attitude, because that's just a myth. They are busy with their life or their work and will not realize, until you let them know at appropriate times. Or else you might be taken for granted.  Among friends circle, you have to be smart enough to differtiate between bragging and self promotion. I do know a few people, who really don't know the difference and their bragging is rather exaggerated laced with bit of white lies. Cast your inhibitions away and don't hesitate to promote yourself and see how good you will feel and how things can take a positive turn in your life.

TRUTH AND IT'S MANY FACES

Yesterday my husband and I were discussing an interesting subject 'Unpleasant Truth' and I thought of writing a post on on Truth and it's many faces. It's nice to be truthful; we are taught it's an important value. Let's explore different kinds of truth and the consequences.

Hidden truth in sarcasm:

Did you realize 'truth' can be unpleasant at times. A person could say something really unpleasant, rather sarcastic which could be a form of truth for the one who spits it out but for the listener, it can sound quite mean and hurtful. 

e.g. 'My God, you look so fat, what is it that you eat?' 

'You look hilarious in that outfit' 

'With your qualifications, who is ever going to give you job?'

Truth can set you free: 

Paradoxically, it's also said, the truth can set you free. For example, if someone who cared told you in confidence, that you have a bad attitude and if you don't change, it could cost you, and suddenly you realize that's the truth, it can actually set you free; it can help you build a better attitude that serve you well through your life. When you are being true to yourself, you make better choices and better decisions. You will experience a new found freedom. 

Truth can be painful or heart breaking: 

When a person comes to know his spouse is having an affair or someone close in the family had a terrible accident, news of death, termination from employment, onset of a life threatening disease, or some you trusted cheated you of your money and so on.

Is being truthful and frank - the one and same thing?

Have you dealt with people who want to be frank but are forthright blunt or sharp, sometimes to the point of sounding mean, cold or even nasty? Well, there are two things to it, certain people do it on purpose to intentionally hurt the other person as they get a kick out of it or to feel in control. And certain others are unaware of their ability to hurt or wound while they think they are being 'frank' or 'truthful'. 

Compromised truth or Half truth 

Compromised truth or a half-truth is not the whole truth. It would contain some element of truth. What the person says would be partially true or even totally true but it would not be the whole truth. They are ultimately either lies disguised as truth, or distorted versions of the truth with an intent to brag, boast, deceive, evade, blame or even portray what the other person would be happy to hear.

A lot of unpleasantness can be avoided by choosing to speak with some sensitivity and respect for the other person's feelings. Now you could say the truth about whatever it is you feel without hurting the other person. It could be breaking of bad news or informing someone of something the person ought to know. Speak the truth, if it's for a greater good, getting an important work done, to convey a certain news, to warn a person of danger, trouble or consequences, or even to protect your own interests or yourself. In other situations, use your discretion - sometimes there's no need to say anything at all. 

CARING ABOUT YOURSELF EVERYDAY

What is it about ourselves that we really care about ? Here's a list you can reflect on...After reading this, try to care for yourself in a better way. When you care for yourself, it's not being selfish or self centered. When you care for yourself, you are in a better position to care for others around you. Caring about yourself will help you lead a more contented life. 

1. Your looks/physique - You can't do anything about your genes you inherited. It's your health, how you groom yourself, hygiene, personality and attitude that should be important. Exercise can improve your physique or develop a healthy body. Grooming yourself and being presentable, wearing the right attire for various occasions can definitely boost your looks.

2. Beauty - Outer beauty is certainly appreciated by the world. Yes it can be an asset.  Fact is, everyone is not born to look like an exotic model or a beautiful actress. We have to learn to accept the way we look and love ourselves for what we truly are and endlessly capable of. Inside the outer beauty, is a human being who will unravel to  portray the real self sometime or other - is that person beautiful from the inside or just from the outside? Work on yourself from the inside.

3. Your relationship with others - give value to your relationship with others - your family, friends, colleagues, even acquaintances; treat everyone with respect and kindness.

4. Attitude - your attitude is definitely of high importance - if it's positive and healthy you have nothing to worry; but if it sucks, you are heading towards trouble or trouble and unhappiness is bound to follow.

5. Your ambitions - very important -  never give up

6. Self image - do you talk negative to yourself, what is the opinion you have about yourself?Work on your self esteem if it's low and build self confidence; your self image is a mirror of how you truly see yourself.

7. Weight - If you are overweight, you are heading for illness, aches, pains, and all sorts of undesirable feelings and experiences - reduce your weight if you are on the heavy side. Why should you carry all that excess baggage?.  It will feel so good to be lighter and healthy.

8. Health - What you eat, determines your health. If you eat junk, lots of fatty and/or sugary foods, coke, or overeat, or eat for pleasure or out of boredom, your body is going to suffer. Eat right, and exercise to take care of your health. No health = No life

9. Emotional and mental well being - People who are highly strung, aggressive, anger prone, irritable, stressed, impatient, self centered, workaholic, violent, prone to depression find it hard to enjoy life because all the negative feelings pull them back, ruin their own happiness and other's as well. You have a choice to decide how you want to react to others and how to face challenges and situations in life. It's not just important to be physically healthy, its vital to be emotionally and mentally balanced as well.

10. Stamina - Daily exercise, conscious healthy eating, proper sleep, a positive outlook and healthy attitude can build your stamina and give you plenty of energy

11. Hobby - do you feel bored? Is it just work and more work? Are you  tired of your household chores? Well, involve in a hobby - it's never too late; there is no right age where you can take up a hobby or pursue a hobby you once enjoyed. Paint, draw, write, sing, dance, be creative. Read books, go on nature walks, take up photography, learn a new instrument or if you know to play one, why not renew your interest in that. Play for your friends when they visit you. 

12. Ability to cope with life - Are you are a complainer or a survivor? No one is going to cope on our behalf, the challenges or negative situations in our life. We have to do it alone. It doesn't help if you think anything negative is everyone else's fault or if you whine in self pity. So build on strengths required to cope with life. Look for solutions rather than dwell in problems. 

13. Skills/knowledge/intellectual interests - Learn new skills and improve your knowledge by keeping in touch with latest in technology, science, art, music and so on.

14. Possessions - It's not what you posses on the outside, your material collections that's important, what are the positive qualities you possess that make you a nice human being - that's what's matters most.

15. Hair loss - You can't do anything about your hair if it's genetic - if you've inherited scanty or thin hair. But you can take care of your diet by including foods containing Vitamin A, proteins and greens to improve and maintain the health of your hair. Some shampoos contain strong chemicals that can cause hair loss. So choose your shampoo carefully. Massage your hair with warm olive oil or coconut oil once a week before you shampoo. Thyroid malfunction, hormonal imbalance, stress and lack of iron can cause hair loss. Talk to your doctor to rule out any medical condition for hair loss.

16. Finances - Manage your finances, or it will manage you. You don't need to buy everything the advertisements make you believe you should buy. Their business is to sell; your business is to wisely choose what you really need and take care of your money.  Don't buy what you cannot afford or will take a toll on your savings. Before you invest your money anywhere in anticipation of huge returns, consult experts, take advise from trust worthy folks around, so you don't lose your money or get cheated. 

17. Love Life - If you are married and feel something is missing, contribute from your end, after all your partner is your other half and in unconditional love, you are always nurturing that sacred relationship you have. Your spouse may not be able to read your mind and know exactly what you want. Let your other half know how you feel and your expectations. Respect your spouse and forgive little mistakes and don't fret over your spouse's imperfections. It's important to water your own grass and make it lush green. But if you are in messy, violent or abusive marriage, and you live in fear, you might want to seek help, discuss it with close family or friends for advise, consider counselling or rethink what you truly want to do with your life. It's unhealthy to stay in a marriage that is abusive or the spouse is facing continuous neglect. It's bad for the children to be raised in a dysfunctional environment as well. For those who are single and seeking a life partner, you might meet a few wrong people before you meet the right one. There is no perfect human being. Something inside you will certainly recognize the right person when you meet him/her. Take your time to decide. 

18. De-cluttering - Caring for yourself includes de-cluttering your mind and your environment. Don't entertain unnecessary thoughts or people that are toxic or detrimental to your well being. Don't hoard things you don't need or use over the years. Give them away to charity. Clear your home of clutter. Stick to minimum and only what you require, so you enjoy a sense of space and calm in your home. A congested place full of clutter can cause stress and attract negative energy. 

19. Meditate /Pray - It's important to connect to your inner self. Meditation creates a sense of balance in your heart and mind. If have a spiritual bend of mind, it helps to pray and express your gratitude for your blessings and pray for matters not in your hands and leave it to providence/ higher power and keep faith... for miracles do happen!. 

20. Happiness - There is no secret formula. Life is full of ups and downs. The attitude with which you view yourself, the world around you and deal with people and situations in your life, handle the various tasks entrusted to you, on a daily basis determines your happiness. You either deliberately choose to be happy or you could sulk or complain. What do you choose? And one last thing - don't depend on 'others' for your happiness. You are responsible for the way you feel or how you choose to feel.

BE A SUPER STAR

Sometimes you might come across people, family or friends who are very critical about how you look, how you dress, your views, your ideas, your ambitions, you plans, your work and intentionally or unintentionally  put you down, making you feel you are not good enough or deserving enough.  As long as in your heart, you are honest with yourself and you are on the right track  and your actions are not going to harm people in anyway, it feels good to follow your conscience and  dreams. Remember, it's hard to be a people pleaser and you don't have to be one. Varying opinions or constructive criticism from people should be used as a platform to gather better ideas or opinions that would help you make a better decision, not make you feel unworthy or incapable. Distinguish between constructive criticism and hurtful criticism you receive and ignore the latter. Do you resort to self criticism? It is healthy to be your own critic, as long as it's more of a self evaluation to improve yourself or make better choices, without battering yourself.  

It's important to value yourself and make that clear to others as well.   You don't have to be a celebrity to be a Super Star. Value yourself  and be a super star in your own eyes. 

LETTING GO OF CONTROL

It's natural human trait to desire for everything to want to go our way and in that expectation, knowingly or unknowingly, trying to control our lives and the lives of  others (especially the ones close to us) takes a huge toll on our heart, minds and life. 

We want people to respond to us the way we want. We have expectations about how things should be, how someone should  be with us.  We can get into thinking our views are always right, or that there is only one way  which is our way.  Yes we do have power over certain situations and circumstances, but we must realize and accept the fact that  we cannot control all external circumstances. Life has its way.  Death, sickness, difficult relationships, divorce, economic meltdowns, war, climate changes, unemployment, challenging personality traits of those around us are an inevitable part of life.  I don't mean to sound negative, but one has to strike a balance, find the reslience and move forward during trying times. A person once said, 'I realized that when I let go of control, I actually felt more in control'. Why? because she  let go of trying hard to control every circumstance and people around her, and began to enjoy peace and tranquility.

Trying to have control over everything external takes tremendous effort and energy. It can be emotionally exhausting, creating so much unhappiness when we are trying so hard to control everything.  Stress is  bad for our physical and emotional health. I'ts important to stay present and grounded. To change the things we can and to accept the things we cannot change and to know the difference will help us appreciate life and enjoy life....and we come to realize we don't  need to control everything and everyone!  The things we can have control are our own attitudes, our reactions to situations and the choices and decisions we choose to make.

It’s important to go with the flow of life, let go of control and enjoy peace.  You are not only happier, but you will be healthier as well.