Thursday, 19 April 2012

HOW TO RECOGNIZE EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN MARRIAGE


Emotionally abusive people want to feel important and in control, which they achieve through  cruel words, put downs, blame, trying to burden the victim with guilt for insignificant things, making a huge issue out of nothing and by playing  mind games with them. There are a lot of women out there who  suffer at the hands of abusive husbands and no one knows of their silent suffering and trauma. Look for all or at least 6 of these signs to find out if you are in an emotionally abusive relationship with your husband. 


(1) He is  very controlling, commanding and manipulative. 
(2) He literally wants you to beg him for anything you want and even if he agrees, you don't know if he would comply or make an issue out of it and outright refuse as he is unpredictable and his promises unreliable. Your needs are unimportant to him. 
(3) Does everything possible to see you hurt or in pain and you wonder, why does it he do it.
(4) Makes his own rules and bends his rules to suit his wimps and fancy with no regard for you.
(5) Constantly ridicules you, calls you names, makes fun of your intelligence, your figure, even your ability to do certain things. Belittles you  in front of your children, relatives and friends. He considers it humor.
(6) Always tries to make you feel you are not good enough.
(7) He is so charming and helpful to others, no one would even guess he has a cruel side. And he just cannot be nice to you.
(8) He enjoys wooing other women, may even have extra marital affairs, because it boosts his ego and makes him feel important. Makes it a point to constantly praise physical beauty or attributes of other women to you.
(9) Gets irritated and angry for trivial or nothing and blames you for making him feel that way.
(10) Tries to scare you by screaming or shouting or threatening.
(11) You have to take his permission to do anything you want, except visiting the toilet. Stops you from pursuing or enjoying anything you like. Makes you feel like a prisoner.
(12) Tries to make you look and or feel stupid.
(13) His hideous actions and cruel ways make you wish a thousand times to run away. You feel you are living with a monster or the devil himself. 
(14) He hates to take you out or introduce you to his friends. 
(15) He treats you as if he is ashamed of you, even in public. 
(16) Never ever appreciative or thankful for anything good or nice you do for him. But he is quick to find little or big faults. 
(17) Always suspicious of you and blames you for things you didn't do and expects you to agree to it. He blames you for 'late completion' of house work or even a small task. If he does something wrong it's perfectly fine, but if you make a mistake or for the slightest wrong, he tries to make you feel as if you committed a huge crime. 
(18) Makes it a point to spoil birthdays, anniversaries, important occasions by creating a fight, argument or scene, just to dampen your spirits and see you hurt and you wonder why the day had to spoil. You see that's his trick, it's not your bad luck or something. 
(19) Preoccupied or stone walling spouse who hardly communicates with you and refuses your perspective on anything. Even if he appears to be listening, he does it so dismissively or impatiently. 
(20) He neglects you,  makes you feel alone or like a single parent or unimportant. At the same time, he demands attention and even some pampering. 

What should you do? 
(1) Seek advise, help from family you can trust
(2) Seek professional help or counselling
(3) If you plan on living with him and making your relationship work, encourage him to see a psychologist, so therapy can throw some light on what he is doing is wrong and how he could correct his behavior
(4) Leave him, it's not worth staying with a man who has no respect or regard for you and treats you like filth. This is not love, its cruelty. Don't nurture it. And don't encourage it.
(5) Realize there is very slim chance this dysfunctional person would change. You are not the cause of your partner's anger or abuse. He has a serious problem. If he is unwilling to change, decide whether to continue in the abusive relationship till eternity or leave him to salvage your sanity, self respect and your right to live a peaceful, positive and fulfilling life.



7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for highlighting this topic in specific !
I've been there a couple of years ago , what made me go back to my senses that I got really drained and I read a book who described what I was going through in details until gradually the emotional abuse developed into physical since I stood up and simply brushed away the harsh comments..

In our society its kinda hard since everyone thinks thats how Kuwaiti men are made, so I thought it was okay at the start and took lightly but a bit by bit it went overboard..

I'm still handling my divorce, not in the best way but it takes time to live with old scars..

KUWEIGHT 64 said...

Anonymous, thankyou for sharing. I am sorry to hear what you had to go through. It must have been so painful. I truly admire the fact that you took courage and stood up for yourself and got out of the abusive relationship. The scars will take time to heal. But they will. You deserve a good life and I wish you the very best.

Expat and the City said...

Great post!

My advice: LEAVE HIM! Please do not stay with such a poor excuse for a man.

Damn, I found a close to perfect Kuwaiti man but geography and religion are messing it up. Maybe I should just be thankful and stop pushing him away. He is so wonderful and never abusive.

KUWEIGHT 64 said...

Hi Expat and the City! Thankyou! You're lucky to be with a wonderful guy. Your heart will always guide you and when you meet Mr. Right, you will know, he is the one, without a doubt.

Anonymous said...

Yup, been there
..divorced that!
The thing is that people should never underestimate their worth. Once u recognize the signs and all the mind games, u realize that person does not deserve ur presence in their life.
And the scars are still healing for me too..
Thanks for the awesome post, we need more people writing about real issues

KUWEIGHT 64 said...

Anonymous, I totally agree with you. Glad that you were strong enough to leave and scars are healing. Honestly abusers shouldn't marry in the first place and ruin other's lives. They don't require a life partner, they need a victim to control, unleash their abuse and enjoy a false sense of importance and joy.

disaster said...

I would like to ask you how can I start leaving her, It seems i can't do it because I love her so much