* My boss didn't come into work today. He called this morning and said he was having a vision problem. When I asked what was wrong, he replied, "I just can't see myself at work today."
* We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
* If at first you don't succeed, delegate it
* The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
* To err is human, to forgive is Not Company Policy.
* Don't ask me I was hired for my looks.
* Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
* No man goes before his time. Unless, of course, the boss leaves early.
* Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person replied, "Yeah, but you started it."